Confirmed

The blood work came back very much not pregnant. No shock there. I guess that means we can keep trying though once the bleeding stops since I wont need any further surgeries.

What a shitty day.

This too is real

I started bleeding more today so I know its really happening. I went at 7 to get my blood drawn. No real point but to make sure things all come out I guess.

I spent the day with my nesties in St Augustine. They all know of course. I love them for not talking about it though. They are an amazing group of women and I know I wouldn't love Jax as much without them. Beth was there and it was great to see her. She M/C at 11 weeks and is still recovering from her D&C. I am hopeful I wont need one b/c Im so early.

Today I realized I dont know what to call this. I feel badly calling it a m/c b/c it puts it on level field with what Beth went through. I never saw a heartbeat so its not the same. But, I dont like calling it a chemical pregnancy as that offers no validation that it was real. Mom calls it a spontaneous abortion which makes my skin crawl. I guess I just say that we lost the pregnancy and leave it at that.

I sent out my retraction emails and made a few calls today. Next time I will not tell as many people. I wont wait til 12 weeks or anything, but I will wait a little longer.

Im going to crawl in bed and sleep for a while. The cramps are pretty intense. I will say though, if we werent trying and I didnt test, I would just think I was late and really heavy. I suppose people miss these all the time.

Worst morning...

We lost the pregnancy today. I was 5 weeks. I woke up with some spotting and took another $ Tree test and it was negative. I started crying and told Jeremy. He was just as upset.
I went to work b/c I didnt know what else to do. At 9 when the Drs office opened, I called to see if there was anything I could do. I was bawling in the parking lot on my phone when the HR lady came out. I had to tell her and she sent me home. Awful. I cant even explain it. I called mom and told her. She then told me about hers right before she got PG with me. I know its common but it doesnt make it any easier.

I got a call back from the Dr with orders for a blood test. I have to go tomorrow and Monday mornings. Awful. I spent the day with Michelle and Courtney. I am so glad to have them here. She is just wonderful. T was amazing and offered to come up but there is no sense in that.

Is this happening b/c I told people? B/c I tried on maternity clothes yesterday or bought all my books? Is this my punishment for making bad decisions in the past? I could cry right now just thinking about it and I will admit that Im writing this over a month later. Why us? We are healthy and I think we will make good parents. Does God disagree?

Its real!

This morning I got up and PIAC so I could take the 2 additional tests. Here is the result:

I know I said I wouldn't tell the world so early but I am so excited!!!! I told my nesties of course, my cousin Alyssa, Pam, T-rob, Sarah.. Its been amazing to hear their reactions and know how supported we are. I think Pam may have cried. It was so hard to not say anything at work. They just cannot know yet. I dont trust them.

Then I get home to these:
Looks like he is super excited too! I have called the Dr and my first appt is on the 17th of October. I also set up a meeting with the midwife at Fruitful Vine. I am so excited to learn about their services and birth center.

Holy Crap!

Today I started a new job. Not so excited but its a paycheck. But all day I kept thinking that I was a day late for my period. I tested on Friday but it was a BFN =( Was hoping to tell the family in ATL. Anyway, I got home before Jeremy and decided to take a $ Tree test. It was slow to develop and I called Kristin to share in my sadness. Well, while on the phone with her, a second line/shadow popped up. Apparently I kept saying Holy Crap over and over LOL.



Jeremy came home and I met him in the garage saying, "hey honey, look at this for me." He didnt know if 2 lines were good or bad but saw it for sure. We are PREGNANT!!!!! Just to be sure though, I went to CVS and bought a couple more, including a digital. I will wait to take those with FMU tomorrow.

I am so excited!! Im going to be a mommy =)

Amazing day

I have a couple friends from college that live here in Jax and are pregnant. Michelle is due 12/30 and Leonie is due 1/2. Yesterday, Leonie found out she was having a boy. This was not the outcome she was hoping for or expecting but is coming around to the idea. Today was Michelle's big US but her husband is out of town for work. So, she asked us to come with her. What an amazing experience. I am so blessed to have been a part of this day for her. I started to tear up when the tech let us hear the heart beat. What a miracle, plain and simple. As the tech moved her hand around, we saw what was most clearly boy-bits. The tech said he was "well endowed" which made Bill beam through the phone. The baby is perfect.
I can't even express how grateful I am to have been able to be there today. It makes be realize that much more how much I want to be a mother and just how incredible the process of pregnancy is.

been a while

So, the cycles are starting to get down in the low 30 day range. We ditched the condoms last month (wahoo!!) so I guess that means we started trying last month as well. At first, I thought the timing was right now. But, as another week went by, I realized I had no ovulated when I thought I did. Too late to really "try" at that point but I have to admit that the first 2ww (2 week wait) was crazy. I was the crazy nest girl who over thought every little twinge, cramp and spot. I tested several times and got good at peeing in a cup. Had 8 days of spotting followed by 3 day period. Not a fan of the 11 days there...

Onto this cycle. Its on!! After my period, we are on the every other day method until Im sure I have ovulated. Now, for some TMI, Jeremy and I are not the sex that often kind of kids. We are getting really good at the practice (LOL) but lord, this is a lot of sex for us. Last night, he proclaimed that "Im sure they boys got into the birth canal that time" and "if those boys don't find an egg, there isn't an egg to be found!" I love his determination.

So far though, we are still having fun with the process and aren't stressing about it. I dont think sex under pressure to conceive would be so fun. We will give it another few months until I start using the ovulation predictor kits.

On the job front, Im actually looking now. I started really applying in late June. Still not sure what I really want to do so I apply for anything that looks interesting. I need to get something soon though so we can be more comfortable getting into a house.

I'll be sure to keep you posted on this month's 2ww!