Lots to be thankful for

My friend Lindsey had her daughter last Wednesday. Just in time for Thanksgiving. Mom and baby are home and healthy. What else could you ask for?

Kristin is progressing well with McLovin. She'll be 11 weeks on Monday ...where has the time gone already?

Jeremy and I are still working on getting things brewing in me. My cycle was nice and regular this month. So hopefully, we will have it as easy getting pregnant after the miscarriage as it was before. I have to admit that I was a little sad over the holiday not having the baby we were hoping for growing. It just wasnt our time yet. Cheryl and Donnie came today to see the new house and we went to an arts and craft show. She spilled it that she has had dreams of our baby being a girl! That she has seen Jeremy with his child on his knee and that it was a little fair haired girl. I, of course, was tickled because I have always thought I would have a girl. Jeremy thinks he only makes boys LOL. We should know in the next week if we have something else to celebrate come Christmas.

We will be homeowners by then though, thats for sure!!! We are so excited to get into our own place and be able to do with it what we want. It is a beautiful home and I think it will prove to be a wise choice in the long run as well. I am looking forward to hosting friends and family once we are in.

We have crosshairs!!

Finally, we have indication that I ovulated. It was on CD 27 which is 10 days later that usual. I guess thats about right with the loss and all. Just seemed like forever waiting for it. My temps would tease me then fall again. Grrr We have been trying this month so hopefully there will be no period =) But, if there is, thats ok too. I am using progesterone cream just in case there could be something to help stick!

We went to the birth center on the 17th and met with Hope. It was great. I am even more sure now that I want to go there. She was so kind and reassuring. They will see me immediately when I get PG next time b/c of a history of loss. That makes me feel great! They are also moving to a new office which will be big and beautiful. I am really excited about it. Jeremy was too which took me off guard. I thought he would think it was weird foo-foo stuff but he really got that it was more about the experience than about a medical procedure. I am excited to get him talking to Brian and Nancy about their experience with Bradly. I just felt such calmness walking out of there. I know a hospital is not the first choice for me. Obviously if there is something wrong or I turn high risk, it will have to be that way but I am glad to have the option to start with.

Kristin is Pregnant!!

"Two lines means pregnant, right?" That was the text I got =) I am so excited for her and Adam. She was so worried that it would take a long time but I knew it wouldnt. She is being strong and not telling for a while so mums the word. No one knows about this blog except her and Emily so I think Im ok.

YAY!!!

Happy Anniversary!

This weekend we had mom, Cheryl, Donnie, MeeMaw and TeePaw in town to celebrate 3 years. Of course we planned to have good news to share but whatever. We had a great time catching up and all.

We are back to trying though I will admit Im scared to get PG again. I cant keep going through this. Jeremy admits to being scared to be excited next time too. That makes me sad. I want him to be excited no matter what. But, that just his way of dealing with it and I know he will be fine when the time comes.

Confirmed

The blood work came back very much not pregnant. No shock there. I guess that means we can keep trying though once the bleeding stops since I wont need any further surgeries.

What a shitty day.

This too is real

I started bleeding more today so I know its really happening. I went at 7 to get my blood drawn. No real point but to make sure things all come out I guess.

I spent the day with my nesties in St Augustine. They all know of course. I love them for not talking about it though. They are an amazing group of women and I know I wouldn't love Jax as much without them. Beth was there and it was great to see her. She M/C at 11 weeks and is still recovering from her D&C. I am hopeful I wont need one b/c Im so early.

Today I realized I dont know what to call this. I feel badly calling it a m/c b/c it puts it on level field with what Beth went through. I never saw a heartbeat so its not the same. But, I dont like calling it a chemical pregnancy as that offers no validation that it was real. Mom calls it a spontaneous abortion which makes my skin crawl. I guess I just say that we lost the pregnancy and leave it at that.

I sent out my retraction emails and made a few calls today. Next time I will not tell as many people. I wont wait til 12 weeks or anything, but I will wait a little longer.

Im going to crawl in bed and sleep for a while. The cramps are pretty intense. I will say though, if we werent trying and I didnt test, I would just think I was late and really heavy. I suppose people miss these all the time.

Worst morning...

We lost the pregnancy today. I was 5 weeks. I woke up with some spotting and took another $ Tree test and it was negative. I started crying and told Jeremy. He was just as upset.
I went to work b/c I didnt know what else to do. At 9 when the Drs office opened, I called to see if there was anything I could do. I was bawling in the parking lot on my phone when the HR lady came out. I had to tell her and she sent me home. Awful. I cant even explain it. I called mom and told her. She then told me about hers right before she got PG with me. I know its common but it doesnt make it any easier.

I got a call back from the Dr with orders for a blood test. I have to go tomorrow and Monday mornings. Awful. I spent the day with Michelle and Courtney. I am so glad to have them here. She is just wonderful. T was amazing and offered to come up but there is no sense in that.

Is this happening b/c I told people? B/c I tried on maternity clothes yesterday or bought all my books? Is this my punishment for making bad decisions in the past? I could cry right now just thinking about it and I will admit that Im writing this over a month later. Why us? We are healthy and I think we will make good parents. Does God disagree?