We closed!

The house is ours! It was a little less exciting than I thought it might be. Sign this, Sign this, here are your keys. Thats about it. Whatever, its done and the house is ours and thats all that matters.

I was nauseous most of the day. Im not sure if it was nerves or baby. Time will tell.

Jeremy got his first dose of mood swings and I think it scared him LOL He asked if this was going to become the normal! I didnt realize it was that bad until he called me out. Time for an early bed time!

mmm marshmallow fluff mmmm

Last night for dinner, I made a marshmallow fluff, peanut butter and banana sandwich. I saw nothing wrong with it but Jeremy found it quite note worthy. Fluffernutters are popular as are PB banana. Why not combine the two?

Today, I resorted to rubberbanding my pants. These jeans fit about 2 weeks ago when I last wore them. This morning, not even close! My boss comes in and commented that I was starting to thicken up. I totally dont mind this from him b/c it wasn't ugly at all. I asked if he saw my rigging and he didnt, he just noticed the disappearing waistline. grrrreeeeeaaaaaaatttt. haha

Not feeling especially pregnant today. I know I wont feel things everyday so Im not worried. Just noticeable today. I ate breakfast then a banana around 11. Nothing else until dinner at 7:30. Normally, I am on the verge of consuming my arm by 12:30. Not having a growling tummy is ok by me!

1st appointment is set

I called today for my first appointment for January 3rd. I will be 8 1/2 weeks. A little bitter sweet b/c Grammer's birthday is the 2nd. It makes me so sad that I cant call her and share this with her. I know she lived a long life and is not in pain anymore but the selfish side of me wants her to hold my baby.

Baby is growing from a BB to a pinto bean this week. Grow baby grow!!

Nothing new in the symptom dept. I almost wish there were. Well, ketchup tastes funny now. So strange. Its the only condiment I eat! I HAD to have hot dogs last night after seeing them in a model home. Jeremy humored me =) I had to wipe the ketchup off to eat the dog. Jeremy officially thinks I have lost my mind! I think there is more mind-loss to come haha

Buying for baby

Jeremy and I are telling his parents at Christmas and we have been trying to figure out how. We decided to get some Grandparent items like bibs and a blanket. I thought I would be on my own with this but Jeremy actually got excited about it and came with me to Babies R Us. We had fun looking around at cribs and whatnot.

Then we went to Kohl's and found a cute burp cloth for his mom. I noticed that the maternity clothes were on sale about the same time I realized my pants are getting tight. Mind you, they were tight before I got PG so the early bloat is more noticeable. I found a couple pants and shirts. We didnt have a lot of time and I think Im going shopping with Kristin sometime this weekend so hopefully I will find some more stuff. The pants were SO comfy!! And, as Kristin predicted, the shirts are perfect for assuring a pregnant belly for Christmas :-)

Lets talk symptoms for a sec

I have read enough to know about the common first symptoms. You know, the sore, growing breasts, changes in smell, on set of morning sickness blah blah blah. But, hardly anyone talks about the acne!! WTH is up with this? I have never, in my life, broken out like this. Every day, there is a new lump. They aren't even the kind you can pop. They are the deep pockets of junk that have no intention of coming out. I have one over my eye brow that is so swollen...I feel like a unicorn or something. From my new reading, it appears to be pretty common. damnit man!

Lets talk gas too while we're at it. I'm a pretty gassy girl to begin with but holy cow. Jeremy just cracks up. He's a "there is more room on the outside" kind of guy to begin with so he really doesnt care. Its belching and farting all the time. Thank goodness I am alone in my office most of the day. haha

Fatigue....thats a tough one. Im always up for a nap as it is. Im in bed at 10 and I sleep 8 hours. if this gets worse, it could be amusing. Poor Kristin is at the point of napping at her desk so hopefully the 2nd trimester boost kicks in soon for her.

I am not having the nausea or anything but I can definitely notice a change in my stomach. Had a little more spotting this weekend but it was all brown so nothing to worry about for now I guess. The boobs aren't growing yet but the tingling nipples are getting crazy. I slept in a sports bra this weekend b/c I couldn't handle the sheets rubbing against them. Thats fun times...

A friend let me borrow Girlfriend's Guide and I started on it this weekend. Parts are funny and parts are pissing me off. Who is she to talk down to those who want unmedicated births. I dont think ill of those who are dying for their epidurals so why should she judge me and assume Im doing it for a cookie or a medal. Its just not very encouraging of women to trust their bodies. But, maybe that is just too much to ask these days.

Labs are in!

All is well :-)
Progesterone was 23.5 and anything above 10 is good. This is what prevents the uterine lining from shedding and why they think lots of miscarriages happen. This is great news!!

HcG, the pregnancy hormone was 118 Monday and 258 Wednesday. As long as it doubles every 48 hours, they are happy. Wonderful news!!

So, all in all, this is turning out to be a great day. Jeremy is starting to allow himself to get a little excited which makes me very happy. First appt will be between 8 and 10 weeks. So, I should know a little more after the new year. Until then though, I am going to stock up on Dollar Tree tests and keep PIAC to make myself feel better.

Happy Friday!!!!!

Work

I realized I havent said anything about work lately.
I got a job, which I knew I wasnt going to like, at an insurance broker for health benefits. The girls were catty and it just wasnt for me. I sucked it up though just to pad the bank acct. while never giving up hope for the builder I had interview with a while ago.
One day, things just got terrible at the office and I decided that I would follow up with the builder at the end of the week. When I got home that day, I had an email from him asking if I was settled or still interested. I was SO excited.

So I met with him a couple days later, got an offer which will end up exceeding my last job in Augusta, and I gave notice. That was the best day! So here I am, in my new job with things falling into place around me. I am an office manager/scheduler/client liason/project manager/accountant/IT Dept.... I think that about covers it. haha http://www.stonecraftfinehomes.com
Bill is a custom home builder for high end homes. The homes are amazing. But more importantly, I get some freedom with no one watching my every move, a fairly casual work environment in that jeans are acceptable and I can be flexible with my schedule when I need to be. There are only 3 of us that come in the office. Bill has his own office and Jack and I share mine. Jack is the project manager in the field so he is here maybe a hour a day. Not too bad!

Overall, I am really happy with the way things are here. Its a mess for right now, but I love cleaning up messes and making things run the way I want. I have been told I have free reign over how things go. Well, within reason of course! I still have a lot to learn about quarterly reporting and all that good stuff. Learning new computer systems but things are coming pretty well.

Just finishing my first month here and I have to say, Im not planning on going anywhere for a while. I think he will let me bring a baby in when the time comes. We'll see if Cheryl lets that happen though! I think she may just move in for a while.

Things are coming along

First thing Monday, I called Fruitful Vine and went in to get lab requisitions. I had a blood draw Monday and yesterday to check the hormone levels and progesterone. I should be hearing back any time now.

Tested again last night just to make myself feel better. I heart Dollar Tree tests!!! The line was darker so I take that as a good sign.

Today I am more aware of my stomach than usual. Its not really nausea, more just queasy. I dont feel like Im going to throw up, just that something isnt quite right in there. Again, I take that as a good sign. Boobs are sore on and off. The tingly nipples come out of no where and wake me up a little! haha

Im not supposed to get an appt with the midwives until 8-10 weeks. But, Im hoping I can see a heartbeat before Christmas. Thats probably asking a lot but it cant hurt to try. Using the birth center is going to be a lot more expensive than a traditional OB. Close to $2k out of pocket. It sucks. BCBS feels that the one 35 miles away is a good alternative and that they shouldnt have to cover Fruitful Vine as a network extension. I say thats crap. Who wants to drive 35+ miles for appts and when in labor? I am going to fight it but in the end, its worth it to me to us the birth center so it is what it is.

Looking forward to telling the family at Christmas. Im thinking of all sorts of ways to do it. Leaning towards printed M&M's for my MIL. She loves M&Ms and I think it would be cute.

Things are wonderful with us. The house closing is getting so close. Job is going great! Things are just falling into place so nicely. 2007 has been a year of blessings for us.

Lets try this again!!

So, IM PREGNANT again!!!!!!!
This 2ww has been awful. I have spotted pretty badly the whole time despite my temps being up. Then yesterday morning, my temp went way down and I got really upset. I got up expecting to find my period but found nothing. not a drop of anything. So, I tested. When I got out of the shower, that pretty little shadow of a line was there.

I woke Jeremy up asking him to double check. He is trying to not be excited after last time but I know he is. Then I went to Tracey's room and she saw it too! She squealed. SO fun!

T and I went to Michelle's baby shower and had a great time with the girls. Michelle was shocked to see T here. Then I spilled the beans and she wanted to cry. Good times.

Took a digital and another test this morning and both are +!!

More to come after I see the midwife =)

Lots to be thankful for

My friend Lindsey had her daughter last Wednesday. Just in time for Thanksgiving. Mom and baby are home and healthy. What else could you ask for?

Kristin is progressing well with McLovin. She'll be 11 weeks on Monday ...where has the time gone already?

Jeremy and I are still working on getting things brewing in me. My cycle was nice and regular this month. So hopefully, we will have it as easy getting pregnant after the miscarriage as it was before. I have to admit that I was a little sad over the holiday not having the baby we were hoping for growing. It just wasnt our time yet. Cheryl and Donnie came today to see the new house and we went to an arts and craft show. She spilled it that she has had dreams of our baby being a girl! That she has seen Jeremy with his child on his knee and that it was a little fair haired girl. I, of course, was tickled because I have always thought I would have a girl. Jeremy thinks he only makes boys LOL. We should know in the next week if we have something else to celebrate come Christmas.

We will be homeowners by then though, thats for sure!!! We are so excited to get into our own place and be able to do with it what we want. It is a beautiful home and I think it will prove to be a wise choice in the long run as well. I am looking forward to hosting friends and family once we are in.

We have crosshairs!!

Finally, we have indication that I ovulated. It was on CD 27 which is 10 days later that usual. I guess thats about right with the loss and all. Just seemed like forever waiting for it. My temps would tease me then fall again. Grrr We have been trying this month so hopefully there will be no period =) But, if there is, thats ok too. I am using progesterone cream just in case there could be something to help stick!

We went to the birth center on the 17th and met with Hope. It was great. I am even more sure now that I want to go there. She was so kind and reassuring. They will see me immediately when I get PG next time b/c of a history of loss. That makes me feel great! They are also moving to a new office which will be big and beautiful. I am really excited about it. Jeremy was too which took me off guard. I thought he would think it was weird foo-foo stuff but he really got that it was more about the experience than about a medical procedure. I am excited to get him talking to Brian and Nancy about their experience with Bradly. I just felt such calmness walking out of there. I know a hospital is not the first choice for me. Obviously if there is something wrong or I turn high risk, it will have to be that way but I am glad to have the option to start with.

Kristin is Pregnant!!

"Two lines means pregnant, right?" That was the text I got =) I am so excited for her and Adam. She was so worried that it would take a long time but I knew it wouldnt. She is being strong and not telling for a while so mums the word. No one knows about this blog except her and Emily so I think Im ok.

YAY!!!

Happy Anniversary!

This weekend we had mom, Cheryl, Donnie, MeeMaw and TeePaw in town to celebrate 3 years. Of course we planned to have good news to share but whatever. We had a great time catching up and all.

We are back to trying though I will admit Im scared to get PG again. I cant keep going through this. Jeremy admits to being scared to be excited next time too. That makes me sad. I want him to be excited no matter what. But, that just his way of dealing with it and I know he will be fine when the time comes.

Confirmed

The blood work came back very much not pregnant. No shock there. I guess that means we can keep trying though once the bleeding stops since I wont need any further surgeries.

What a shitty day.

This too is real

I started bleeding more today so I know its really happening. I went at 7 to get my blood drawn. No real point but to make sure things all come out I guess.

I spent the day with my nesties in St Augustine. They all know of course. I love them for not talking about it though. They are an amazing group of women and I know I wouldn't love Jax as much without them. Beth was there and it was great to see her. She M/C at 11 weeks and is still recovering from her D&C. I am hopeful I wont need one b/c Im so early.

Today I realized I dont know what to call this. I feel badly calling it a m/c b/c it puts it on level field with what Beth went through. I never saw a heartbeat so its not the same. But, I dont like calling it a chemical pregnancy as that offers no validation that it was real. Mom calls it a spontaneous abortion which makes my skin crawl. I guess I just say that we lost the pregnancy and leave it at that.

I sent out my retraction emails and made a few calls today. Next time I will not tell as many people. I wont wait til 12 weeks or anything, but I will wait a little longer.

Im going to crawl in bed and sleep for a while. The cramps are pretty intense. I will say though, if we werent trying and I didnt test, I would just think I was late and really heavy. I suppose people miss these all the time.

Worst morning...

We lost the pregnancy today. I was 5 weeks. I woke up with some spotting and took another $ Tree test and it was negative. I started crying and told Jeremy. He was just as upset.
I went to work b/c I didnt know what else to do. At 9 when the Drs office opened, I called to see if there was anything I could do. I was bawling in the parking lot on my phone when the HR lady came out. I had to tell her and she sent me home. Awful. I cant even explain it. I called mom and told her. She then told me about hers right before she got PG with me. I know its common but it doesnt make it any easier.

I got a call back from the Dr with orders for a blood test. I have to go tomorrow and Monday mornings. Awful. I spent the day with Michelle and Courtney. I am so glad to have them here. She is just wonderful. T was amazing and offered to come up but there is no sense in that.

Is this happening b/c I told people? B/c I tried on maternity clothes yesterday or bought all my books? Is this my punishment for making bad decisions in the past? I could cry right now just thinking about it and I will admit that Im writing this over a month later. Why us? We are healthy and I think we will make good parents. Does God disagree?

Its real!

This morning I got up and PIAC so I could take the 2 additional tests. Here is the result:

I know I said I wouldn't tell the world so early but I am so excited!!!! I told my nesties of course, my cousin Alyssa, Pam, T-rob, Sarah.. Its been amazing to hear their reactions and know how supported we are. I think Pam may have cried. It was so hard to not say anything at work. They just cannot know yet. I dont trust them.

Then I get home to these:
Looks like he is super excited too! I have called the Dr and my first appt is on the 17th of October. I also set up a meeting with the midwife at Fruitful Vine. I am so excited to learn about their services and birth center.

Holy Crap!

Today I started a new job. Not so excited but its a paycheck. But all day I kept thinking that I was a day late for my period. I tested on Friday but it was a BFN =( Was hoping to tell the family in ATL. Anyway, I got home before Jeremy and decided to take a $ Tree test. It was slow to develop and I called Kristin to share in my sadness. Well, while on the phone with her, a second line/shadow popped up. Apparently I kept saying Holy Crap over and over LOL.



Jeremy came home and I met him in the garage saying, "hey honey, look at this for me." He didnt know if 2 lines were good or bad but saw it for sure. We are PREGNANT!!!!! Just to be sure though, I went to CVS and bought a couple more, including a digital. I will wait to take those with FMU tomorrow.

I am so excited!! Im going to be a mommy =)

Amazing day

I have a couple friends from college that live here in Jax and are pregnant. Michelle is due 12/30 and Leonie is due 1/2. Yesterday, Leonie found out she was having a boy. This was not the outcome she was hoping for or expecting but is coming around to the idea. Today was Michelle's big US but her husband is out of town for work. So, she asked us to come with her. What an amazing experience. I am so blessed to have been a part of this day for her. I started to tear up when the tech let us hear the heart beat. What a miracle, plain and simple. As the tech moved her hand around, we saw what was most clearly boy-bits. The tech said he was "well endowed" which made Bill beam through the phone. The baby is perfect.
I can't even express how grateful I am to have been able to be there today. It makes be realize that much more how much I want to be a mother and just how incredible the process of pregnancy is.

been a while

So, the cycles are starting to get down in the low 30 day range. We ditched the condoms last month (wahoo!!) so I guess that means we started trying last month as well. At first, I thought the timing was right now. But, as another week went by, I realized I had no ovulated when I thought I did. Too late to really "try" at that point but I have to admit that the first 2ww (2 week wait) was crazy. I was the crazy nest girl who over thought every little twinge, cramp and spot. I tested several times and got good at peeing in a cup. Had 8 days of spotting followed by 3 day period. Not a fan of the 11 days there...

Onto this cycle. Its on!! After my period, we are on the every other day method until Im sure I have ovulated. Now, for some TMI, Jeremy and I are not the sex that often kind of kids. We are getting really good at the practice (LOL) but lord, this is a lot of sex for us. Last night, he proclaimed that "Im sure they boys got into the birth canal that time" and "if those boys don't find an egg, there isn't an egg to be found!" I love his determination.

So far though, we are still having fun with the process and aren't stressing about it. I dont think sex under pressure to conceive would be so fun. We will give it another few months until I start using the ovulation predictor kits.

On the job front, Im actually looking now. I started really applying in late June. Still not sure what I really want to do so I apply for anything that looks interesting. I need to get something soon though so we can be more comfortable getting into a house.

I'll be sure to keep you posted on this month's 2ww!

One more cycle to go!

Wahoo!! So, I started my period today after a 33 day cycle. Down from 38 so its getting there. Once this cycle is over and the next starts (late July) we will start actually trying!! How exciting. I have a feeling it will take a few months so I dont have my hopes up for things to happen quickly. Im just excited that my cycles are fixing themselves.

wahoo, I think I ovulated

My cycles have been super wonky since coming off the pill. the last 2 have been 40ish days. This is fun with a week of spotting and a week of actual period. Good times... Anyway, I have been charting and all and have been ovulating around day 27. This really is a little late and doesn't leave long enough for implantation if we were really trying. So, this month comes around and Im looking at my chart, and paying attention to the lovely cervical mucus and low and behold, I believe I ovulated on day 17 this month. We will see how long the cycle lasts now but it gives me hope for some normalcy in the future.

One step closer

I am officially on prenatal vitamins. Now these are just good to be on overall but I have never been one to remember my vitamins so I just dont take them. Go figure since I was religious about my birth control pills. I have found a couple doctors I want to call as well as a couple doulas that I think will be in line with my feelings about birth. One does massage and teaches yoga and I think I will end up with her. I have always believed in the power of touch and massage and yoga has been such a calming thing to me, let alone the flexibility it gives. I have just never had to think about where a certain doctor delivers before (sounds like pizza right?) so I feel like I need to make a good decision on this before we really get started.
My charting is ok. It doesnt appear that I ovulated this month but after 10 years on the pill, I guess my body gets to re-regulate. I just want to get my period so I can figure out my cycle...Im not one to like surprises. I will be buying TCOYF this week (Taking charge of your fertility) so I can really get a handle on what my body is doing. I have been told that its a great read for all women, not just those trying to get PG. The good news is that we have several more months before we actually "try" so I will know by then if Im still not O'ing. But truthfully, July cant get here soon enough. Something inside me just clicked and I am ready for this next phase.
My other news is I think its time for me to head back to work. I have had my fill of feeding the baby fever by being on message boards all day. I need to get back in there, let my brain work again and make some money. I have started looking and working on the resume so wish me luck.

Let the charting begin

So I started charting this weekend in an effort to understand my cycle. I am now taking my basal body temp every morning before I wake up and entering on my graph. that part isnt so bad, I just have to remember to hide the thermometer when my mother in law visits. I guess Im looking for a drop in temp before a spike up. that is supposed to indicate ovulation. Hopefully after a couple cycles off the pill, I will be regular and know when its coming. Thats not so bad I think to myself.... Only to realize that the BBT charting is secondary to tracking cervial fluid. Thats right, I have to check myself every time I go to the bathroom to learn the difference between sticky, egg-white and cloudy. Apparently, egg white is prime baby making time. With a little luck, egg white coincides with temp drop and everything is hunky dory. Who knew there was a science to this? I thought you just F** like rabbits and everything works out. I guess that does work but knowing how many people have fertility issues, I thought charting would give us a head start in case there are any problems. Plus, if I am regular, it will give us the best shot of getting pregnant in the time frame we really want.

I have started lurking on some chat boards to learn what other people are going through. I think it makes me think about it more. This is just like the evil wedding planning process. But since I cant really talk to my friends about my cervical fluid, it gives me an outlet.

So anyway, thats my deal. Im taking my tempurature and feeling for cervical fluid. Dont be jealous! My other news is that I have found a yoga studio that I am going to try for the first time today. I am so excited to get back into my practice. I like myself better when I go and I just feel better all the way around. I sleep better, Im nicer, more productive and more positive. Plus, I need something to get this baby stuff off my brain!

I'm the new kid here

So here I am, the new kid on the blog. I have dabbled in blogging on my myspace page but since I really don't have many activities right now, the thoughts are a little slow going. I have to admit that I am enjoying being able to stay at home right now. I know it can't last forever but I will give it another few weeks at least. I'm not ashamed to say I don't know what I even want to do once I'm done being a lady who lunches. The right thing will come along though, that I am sure of. In the mean time, at least I don't have to stress about it.

I'm getting to take my sister for spring break so that should be an adventure. Not really sure what to do with a 10 yr old but we will figure it out. I just cant see being a couple hours away and not being more involved with her. My dad is an ass to be sure, but that doesn't mean Heather has to lose out on having a sister. I can be the bigger person in this.

Here is my only other news....Jeremy and I are starting to talk about having a baby. YIKES! LOL I went off BC last week so I can start charting and all that good stuff. Not going to really start "trying" until August or September. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully there won't be any complications. I won't promise not to post about the TMI stuff since Im not posting this on my myspace yet and need someplace to keep my thoughts---too many prying eyes and running mouths. But, if its really TMI, I will give fair warning :-)

Thats all for now kiddies. Have a great day and I will try to be more amusing on the next go around.