Craft time

For those that know me well, you know that Amy and crafts just do not get along. I have the ideas down, but follow through is just something that doesn't work out so well. Im not patient and my attention to detail on crafting projects is nonexistent. 

That said, I am SO proud of myself with these plates. My friend Jenn made reindeer plates with her son's hands and feet. They were adorable. Like any good copycat, I took myself down to the local paint your own pottery studio. Once there, 

I begged for help. I wont lie. I looked through her catalog of hand and feet ideas. So cute. Then, there it was. The booty section! Thats right, painted butts of children smooshed onto pottery pieces. So very Amy, right?! 

After reviewing her ideas, I settled on the snowman. I liked that it wasn't screaming obvious that its my child's backside but you can still tell. I had hers to go by so I gave it a whirl. 3 hours later, we were done with 3 plates and an ornament with his hands and feet. Katie was beyond helpful. I stripped Nathan and laid him across my like I was going to spank him. SHe slathered on the white paint and rolled the plate into position. Then she helped me do the hands and feet on the ornament. I could not have done it alone. She even let me put Nathan in her daughter's pack and play so I could work a little easier.  

The grandmas loved them and even Jeremy said they turned out better than he could have imagined. Katie, the owner, says you can get about 3 years out of the butts. I see 2 more Christmas butts in my future =)

You can see the booty right under the snowman's tongue. It is a slightly different color than the rest of the face. 

Admit it, its cuter than you thought, right? Especially knowing that its an Amy creation!

big boy nap

How cute is he? We are making progress with him napping in his crib. I guess he thinks the room is too bright =) As long as he is sleeping, Im ok with it. 

Can you see the bear propping him up? He sleeps better on his side with the congestion and all. But, he ends up rolling over once he falls asleep. So, the bear helps a momma out. 

First Christmas

Nathan's first Christmas was so wonderful. 

We started the weekend before with dad's visit.

This is Heather reading Nathan's bedtime story. Melts my heart!

Dad loving on "his boy". It appears that Nathan got my porcelain skin. Sorry little guy. I was hoping daddy would pass on his olive tones. 

Then, the moms came in to "help". Read play with Nathan. There was a little competition for attention at first but they settled down once they both saw him roll over.   Jeremy's dad and brother came in on Christmas Eve. 

Christmas morning right when we got up. Notice the requisite drool markings on Jeremy's shoulder. 

Later in the morning, Santa himself made an appearance. Grandma Sue insisted that Nathan match. Again, sorry kiddo!  Poor Santa was about to melt in his suit in the Florida heat. But, a certain Nonna insisted he wear it. 

The rest of the family came over for lunch. 18 people in all. Holy crappola. Amy was a little stressed until the food was ready then I relaxed. Truly though, I feel so blessed to raise him this close to aunts, uncles, cousins and his great grandparents. And, we were lucky enough to have our family of friends here to celebrate the day with our family. It was just a really nice day. Nathan got tons of toys and some great books. 
Sunday, we drove to Darien, Ga to see Jeremy's cousin and his son in from Alabama. Dixon turned 2 that day. Child has the curliest hair! You can see the height runs in the family too. The ride home sucked but the trip was worth it to see family. 

4 month check up

We went on the 16th for his 4 month visit. We expected to get a shot and the oral rotavirus vax but it wasn't meant to be. His wheezing has gotten worse so we went from saline in the nebulizer to albuterol. I was hoping to not have to go there but its what has to be done. We went back after one week and the wheezing was better but not gone. Re-check in 2 weeks. Poor baby has had this junk for about half his life. I feel badly for him when he starts coughing. He doesn't seem to care though. 

He was 13 pounds, 7 oz (25%), 26" (90%) and has a tiny little head (15%). But, its growing and apparently that is what matters. Makes getting him dressed easier LOL

Family visits

Dad, Kelly and Heather came over the weekend before Christmas. It was a really nice visit. Dad brought these ridiculous steaks. Seriously, the size of my head. Amazing king crab legs and scallops the size of my palm. We ate until we couldn't eat anymore. Then we sat around and told stories to Jeremy. I was so pleased with how it all went. Heather just ate Nathan up. She helped with diaper changes and his bath. Then, she read him a bed time story. SO cute. She is really into soccer and I had a book with a soccer theme so it worked out well. ::must insert photo here =) ::

Dad cuddled with him and told him all about race cars and go carts. I knew he would be excited about a boy. I just hope Nathan humors him as he grows up if he isn't actually interested in all the garage stuff. Same goes for planes and Jeremy though!  Kelly loved on Nathan more than I thought she would. I admit to not knowing how to feel when she called herself grandma. I guess thats what she is, sort of. But at the same time, it just felt odd. Whatever. That's my issue, not Nathan's. 

Dad called this weekend and apparently has my old bike for Nathan. For those that don't know, I did not learn how to ride a bike until I was 10 or so. I know, I know.... But, I had this really cool recumbent bike. I used it, a friend's son used it, Heather used it and its still in great shape. I dont know how to get it to Jax but we'll figure it out. He also has 2 adult ones and the pull behind trailer for Nathan at this age. I know he will love it! Again, how to get them home.... 

It seems that nap time is over so Christmas will have to wait =)

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

I have a rolly polly! He rolled from his back to his belly tonight. See my last post and you will know I knew it was going to be any time. Just did not think tonight was it. Jeremy and I were putting lights on the family room tree and Nathan was having no part of going to sleep so we put him on the floor to watch us. He has been fairly gassy so it wasnt a shock when he let out a "bubble" but it did catch our attention because it was so loud. We look over at him and as he is farting, he rolled over. Guess he needed a little propulsion. LOL He went from back to tummy to back a couple times while we finished. He looked so proud of himself. Once I got the video camera out, all bets were off though. I'll catch it one day. 

Looks like tomorrow will be baby book catch up. I dont think I have put in anything for close to two months. bad mommy!

a new day

Been MIA for a little while. We had a computer virus that was smart enough to disable the anti-virus we installed then it disabled mozilla. Tricky little punk. As our computer was purchased right after I graduated college in '99, it was past its prime. We have been waiting for it to self destruct for some time now. So, off to computer shopping we went. We finally decided on an iMac. My last apple was an Apple 2E which I received in 4th grade. Along with a dot matrix printer... I used both until I graduated high school but used is relative. DOS and I were not BFF. Anyway, we had heard such great things about Macs so we took the plunge. I think we are going to be very happy with the decision. We are still getting used to it but so far, so good. 

We are still working with Nathan to get the whole sleeping thing down. He will usually stay asleep but the getting there is not so great. He is fussing to himself as I type. I wont let him scream but a little protest in ok for now. Nonna (his grandmother) has been holding him for naps the past couple weeks and now we have to deal with the fall out. What can you do though? We'll work at it. I have lots of time now. 

Yep, I will be with him for every nap for the foreseeable future. On Wednesday, my company downsized my job. Thats a nice way of saying I eliminated my own position. There was not enough money to pay me and what money was there was better used for other things. The company will not be around much longer which is really sad. The owner is a great guy and he builds exceptional homes. He/we were just victims of the market. I felt badly walking away but not knowing about pay from week to week was getting to be too much and I had to know what to do with Nathan. I knew he was too nice to eliminate my position so I did it myself. I cant stay home with Nathan forever but until I can find a new job that pays me enough to put him in daycare, I am going to enjoy every minute. 

Nathan has started to try to roll over. He can go from belly to back and about 90% back to belly. Stupid elbow keeps getting in the way =) He will have this down in no time though. He has also been babbling up a storm. He was chatting it up with folks in Target this week. Adorable. 

Dad and his gang are coming next weekend. They are even spending the night. Who could have seen that coming?? Heather is excited to help with his bath. Hopefully he doesnt try to pee on her. LOL 

I have some pictures of our trees once I figure out iPhoto. Yes, treeS. I am an Edwards after all. Its just what we do. Jeremy's grandparents gave us their "Jeremy tree". Its about 8" and super skinny. You get the drift. It is in the front living room. Yesterday Cheryl and I went to get a real tree for the living room by the fireplace. Jeremy was a little Scroogy about it but I made an executive decision and we have a real tree. We'll work on decorating it tonight. Eventually I would like the Jeremy tree to be the Nathan tree and hang his school/homemade ornaments on it. 

Off to organize the house a little bit. Since we are hosting the family Christmas, I feel a little guilty if things arent in better order and a little more decorated. 

Thanksgiving

We have so much to be thankful for. This year we have been blessed with a home of our own, so many new friends, the ability to forget "the year in Augusta", and welcomed and amazing child. He is happy and healthy. I couldn't hope for more. In my reflections on what to be thankful for last week, I thought about how blessed we are to have such great families. Seriously, my MIL took 6 weeks off of work to be here with Nathan so he wouldnt have to go to daycare so young. Its been an adjustment having her live with us but its been amazing for all of us.

Then I got thinking about dad. Yes, the eternal debate lived on. However, I ended it. I decided that it took for more energy for me to remain hurt and angry than it does for me to move on. So I called and told him about Nathan. I knew in order to move on, I had to have closure on either being angry or on him all together. Looks like it will be closing the door on being hurt and angry. He was so excited. Heather was over the moon. It still remains to be seen how much or if he really changes (meaning him picking up a phone or showing genuine interest on his own) but it doesnt matter. I know I am not the only one with a difficult parent. After talking to a good friend about the whole thing, I feel much less alone. She has to call her mother or she would never speak to her. She reminded me that sometimes the kids have to be the grown ups and just suck it up. So I am. I will call him once a week and update about Nathan. Maybe one day he will ask how things are with me but if not, its ok. As long as he loves Nathan, I am ok.

On with the pictures!
We spent turkey day in St Pete with my family. Grandparents put on a big table with formal setting and the whole shebang. My uncle and cousin surprised us by showing up then my other cousin showed up. One more would have been great but we wont mention any names. ahem, Emily, ahem Alyssa and I used to put black olives on our fingers as kids so we had to teach her daughter, Kira, how to do it too. She wasn't allowed to run around like we did though. We got to break in the white carpet back in the day =) Good times.Nathan wore his madras jacket. He was so stinking cute. The undershirt is an oxford and it was a little big so it looks like an ascot. I promise it isnt though =)While we were there, I made Nathan's stocking. The whole family has them. My mom still uses hers from when she was a kid. Ours are all glued on the front but I am tired of fixing mine so I sewed Nathan's. Mom had stitched the sides to the back but I did all the rest. Mighty fine needlework if I do say so myself. Our 3 stockings look so good over the fireplace.Saturday on the way home, we met dad, Kelly and Heather for dinner. Kelly is my step-mother for those of you without a family tree handy. Heather could not get enough of Nathan. Dad took right too him and cuddled for a long time. It was nice to see. He is all excited about building cars and getting him greasy. Tricycles first dad! Who am I kidding, I had a motorcycle at 4 (it was a real one but had training wheels, so cute), go cart around that time and a 3 wheeler at 5. Oy, makes a momma's head hurt. Maybe remote control things will come first.
This last one is just for fun. What a happy baby! I am amazed and thankful daily.

We have laughter!

Best. Sound. Ever! MIL was playing with Nathan before dinner last night and he just started cracking up. He has been giving little half giggles for a couple weeks. More like squeals. But this, this was laughter. I grabbed the video camera but he didnt give the same effort. I will keep trying to catch it.

He has definitely found his own voice. He has started to babble non-stop and tell the best stories. Its a riot.

Sleeping is ok but not great. Once he goes down, no problem. But the getting him down part is frustrating. He settles down once the swaddle goes on then we lay him down. He sleeps for 15-30 minutes and is back up crying. Of course I go get him and he acts hungry. I let him eat and he goes back to sleep. We do this usually twice then he stays down for the night around 9. I feel like he isnt really eating but just wants the comforting part. Methinks crying it out is in our future so he learns how to go down alone. Naps arent much better. I think I will hide in the shower until the crying stops so I cant hear it.

Senor fuzzy head

OK, I know I shouldn't call my child such names but with a picture like this, it just seems alright.

We went to Sears last night after being lured by a coupon. Donnie got Nathan this little outfit so we needed to try to get some pics of him for Papa. It cracks Jeremy and me up b/c Donnie wears ties for "marryin' and buryin'" yet Nathan needed one. Apparently he thought it looked like something Jeremy would wear and Nathan needed to be just like his daddy. I would have paid money to see my self proclaimed redneck FIL shopping for this outfit. So cute and so sweet. Anyway, thats why we went. Since we were there and they do 6 poses, we decided to get some Christmas ones done. Its not the best picture in the world but hey, its us! I hate that Im not wearing my wedding ring and totally meant to cover that hand but Nathan was wanting to chew his hands so I had to basically hold him down. Oh well. They will fit again soon, right?

Here is the happy baby we know and love. And no, I had no intention of putting shoes on him. Winter or not! He wears socks most of the time but I just love his little toes and how he curls them up. And I swear, they are pants, not shorts.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. I know this one will be amazing for us and our little family. I wish we could see more friends during this time though. Nathan has so many aunts and uncles that will be such wonderful influences in his life and I am sad that we arent around them as much as we would like. Be on the lookout for ringing phones and a cooing baby!

I love my detergent

With cloth diapers in the house, I had to find a special detergent for them. Most of the common detergents have things which leave a residue on clothes. If that happens with CDs, things repel and thats not such a good thing. In looking, I found Crunchy Clean. It has none of the yucky chemicals and is all earth friendly. And let me tell you, the scents are wonderful! She sells both cloth diaper and regular detergents. I have been using them for about 5 months. I'm still on my original order of the regular kind! Ok, thats a fib. I also tried about 4 different sample scents along the way. But still, this stuff goes a long way and is cheaper per load than what I used to use.
I have gotten my mother in law, mom and Jeremy's aunt all hooked on it. So, if you are interested in finding a new detergent, check out this site which is featuring CC this week. I link you here instead of CC directly because there is a 5% discount code this week. I know it isn't much but it might be enough to entice someone to try it. http://www.mysentimentexactlee.com/

My baby is 3 months old

How did that happen? Crazy.
Today he had his 3 month appt for shots. He got HIB and Pc. I am very happy to be on the 2 shot at a time plan. He did fine with them but the longer the day went, he started to get fussy.
Stats: 12 lbs, 4 oz and 25 1/2". That is up 1 Lb 5oz and an inch and a half in one month. Thats a lot of length in a month. He better start slowing down or we will have to find a seamstress soon!

After his appt, we went to the Alligator Farm. Had a really nice day. He slept most of the time. I'll post pics later.

For those following my milk issues, I am happy to report that things are improving. My supply isnt where is was but it is definitely better than it has been. I am taking A LOT of pills though and pumping tons. In fact, Im pumping now =) Yep, Im flashing the screen hahaha Its worth it though. I have been really sad facing the possibility of not being able to nurse. Thanks to those that have been there with an ear and an encouraging word.

Things with work are, well, notsogood. Details to come as things progress. Keep sending happy thoughts.

::off to snuggle with my little man while he'll still let me::

Couple of firsts

I know Im behind a couple weeks. With work being what it is lately and dealing with my decreasing milk supply, blogging has been the last thing on my mind. Anyway, here are some of Nathan's firsts over the past 2 weeks.

Just before he turned 10 weeks, he got his first real bubble bath. We usually bathe him in his little tub and he likes it just fine. But he was especially fussy this day and we thought a little more movement in the water might calm him. It sure did! He loved to kick and splash.
Later that week was his first Halloween parties. First was at the Laird's. At first he wore a funny outfit from his Nonna. Don't mind the old man pants. I swear I didn't realize I had them pulled up that far. Poor kid.


Then he turned into a cuddly pumpkin. It was a little chilly so the comfy sleeper worked out well. Last but not least was his first FL/GA game. In our house we pull for Ga Tech and anyone playing UGA =) His Aunt Pammy is also a HUGE UF fan so she made sure he was well dressed.

What should I be?

No, not for Halloween! What should I do for a job? I love working for my boss but being in this market, one never knows what might happen. So, I have to keep my resume spiffed and mind open. Problem is, I dont know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a degree in Exercise Science but dont want to do research. Minor in Business but what the hell does that mean? I like learning but cant afford to be a perpetual student. Going back to school is a possibility though.

So I leave it up to you to give me some suggestions. What do you see me as? Any personality traits I need to use to my advantage? Help me out here =)

Pics from St Pete

Here are some pics from our trip to St Pete last month. I cant believe its been almost 4 weeks already!

While there, my grandfather loved on him. G-pa only has one eye and it has more bad days than good ones lately. So he had to stay inside for a couple days just to be able to focus on Nathan when we got there. I guess the sun makes things worse and he is an outside kind of guy! He just drank Nathan up. So cute. And I found out that at one point, his middle name was Andrew as well. Long story but he never had a middle name so he took Andrew after an uncle then dropped it when the uncle went wonky. You learn all sort of things talking to grandparents. Nathan also got to meet his Aunt Tracey. He got a little comfy on her and spit up breakfast. Its a sign of love! Here are T and Buddy.

While we were unpacking, Nathan got his first piggyback ride on Jeremy's shoulders. I don't think he knew quite what to make of it.

First time sick =(

Nathan is sick. He has been congested in his nose for a few weeks but thats pretty normal. We use saline drops and the dreaded brain sucker and all seems to be well. Then Monday he got this terrible cough. I could hear it rattling and feel it in his back. Went to the pedi Tuesday and she said his lungs are clear but its better to nip it in the bud now than deal with it once it gets down in there. So, we have a handy dandy panda bear nebulizer that we use with saline to help break things up. Im glad we aren't having to give him medicine just yet! Saline doesnt count =) It doesnt appear to bother him much but I hate it for him that he's sick.

And to make it better, my cough is back. Yuck! Maybe I will breathe over his shoulder while Im giving him his nebulizer and see if it doesnt help me too.

Tonight is our NFP (natural family planning) class with Heather. I dont want to do back on the pill and I had pretty clear signs before so I feel pretty good about it. It will be nice to see Heather again too.

back to work

I came back to work today. its only part time this week but Im back. I miss Nathan. I pumped under my desk (blinds are not in yet and see previous posts about people opening my door) and realized how much I love nursing him. Its our quiet time together when nothing else in the world matters. le sigh what can you do? Maybe my FIL will win the lotto this weekend and I can quit. A girl can dream right?

So they have not reconciled our check book here since I did it in July. You cannot imagine the PITA it is to fix what they messed up. How hard is it to write a check and write it down. ::pulling hair out:: I have been working on this for over an hour when it usually takes me all of 10 minutes. ::chanting "Paycheck" over and over::

I cant wait to get home and have a little boy try to chew on my nose when I kiss him.

In other news...
We spent the weekend with my family in St Pete. It was a really nice visit. My grandfather looked so blissful holding Nathan. I have so many fond memories with him so Im glad I am able to see him with my baby. Makes me miss Grandma Kay even more but I know she met Nathan before I did.

TMI but his poops are back to brown. Wahooo but they stink to high heaven. Boooooo I dont know what happened but Saturday after we got back from breakfast with Tracey, he went and it stunk. damnit man. This wasnt supposed to happen until he got on solids right? I dont think he got the memo.

Jeremy and I had a great date night for our anniversary. We went to the Columbia at the Pier in St Pete. We will definitely be going to the one in St Augustine. Such a great meal overlooking the water. Took our time and relaxed while mom had Nathan. I didn't even call to check in =)

We also bought a video camera so be on the lookout for snippets of our life. Got a Sony hard drive camera. Im excited to not have to mess with tapes or disks. Seems pretty easy for now.

Back to this stupid reconciliation.

2 month check up

Nathan had his 2 month visit today. We really like the new pedi. The old ones were great too but this is just so convenient and she is wonderful.
He was 10 pounds 15 oz and 24". Thats up 8oz and 1 inch in a week and a half. Still 50th percentile for weight but now 90th for height. Go figure!

We are doing an alternate vax schedule (Dr Sears) so today he got DTaP and Rotovirus. The nurse said all the kids so far have either vomited, spit, etc the roto but he took it down just great. I had just fed him so i kind of expected something but he was wonderful. He only fussed for about 15 seconds with the injection too. Here's hoping next month goes as well.

She told me to wait longer to feed him at night too. I've been getting about 4 hours once we go to bed but then its every 2 hours the rest of the night. Its my fault though b/c I get him up to eat before he actually wakes up so he doesnt get fussy and bother Jeremy too much. I just hear him grunting with gas or smacking his lips and get him up. Then he doesnt end up eating well and falls asleep nursing. This could mean he is getting more foremilk and less hindmilk and could be leading to the green poop. We'll see how it goes. Jeremy is a light sleeper so I expect crankiness from him for a while. haha

We are so blessed

My group of girlfriends follow several blogs of families that none of us know. They are sad and tragic stories of lung transplants/premie baby, losing a mother the day after her baby was born for no preventable reason, the loss of one triplet and others. Today, Kerrie posted about a baby who will be born tomorrow but will likely not live more than a few moments. I sobbed as I read the posts. I cannot even imagine.

I went into Nathan's room and cried over him as he was napping in his crib. I know that each cry, fuss, and dirty diaper is such a blessing. This family would give anything to have a "rough night" or poop in a just changed diaper or a load of baby laundry to do. They would do anything to have teething difficulties. It reminds me how lucky we are to have a healthy baby. When he cries, I know his lungs work. When he poops, I know his tummy is working. When he teethes, I will know he is growing up.

I pray daily that God continues to bless us with health and happiness for our little boy. I also pray that He blesses these families with the strength they need to face each new day.

Makes a momma's heart melt

We have been getting so many more smiles lately but they are hard to get on camera. Got this one last night after bath time. le sigh...

I just love a clean baby. All wrapped up and cuddly.

Took a big step today

So most of you know about my struggle about dealing with my dad. I havent talked to him in over a year and Im not sure why. It just seems to be the way it goes with him. There are times I feel like I should be the bigger person and just call but then I get pissed off that Im always the one to call. Its been like this for years. The only time he called me was when I kept my sister for a week.

Anyway, he does not know about Nathan. Or even that I was pregnant. I struggle with this decision daily. I also struggle with not having told the rest of that side of my family. So today, I called my favorite aunt from my childhood and told her and caught up for a few minutes. Im glad I did. She said to just join the club of Neil being a schmuck. I think she is a founding member since she had to grow up with him! Regardless, Im glad I can share this part of my life with her.

Who knows, maybe I will step up and be the bigger person one day and call him. If he would just make one shred of effort, I would return it 10 fold. I guess that is putting a condition on love though. I just would hate to tell him and him not be excited or make any effort to be a part of Nathan's life. It would be the biggest slap in the face and how would I ever explain that to Nathan? So, I keep hiding from the possibility.

clean vs dirty

I vote that babies know clean from dirty. For instance, a brand new clean diaper is the only thing suitable to poop in. In fact, it has to be so fresh that it doesn't actually make it off the changing table. One that has been on for an hour is certainly too "used" to add more to.

A clean set of jammies is in dire need of spit up of course. The outfit they have been in all day is not good enough. Bonus points for getting it freshly washed hair.

And my favorite from today: clean sheets, clean momma. I stayed up when he woke up at 5:30 this morning and got my shower while he went back to sleep. I had just changed the sheets last night. I crawled back in bed and snuggled him next to me. When he woke up, I thought I would try nursing laying down. It wasnt as easy as I hoped but we got it. I dozed off. It was great. Then I wake up to him moaning/grunting. He's pretty gassy so I thought he was working on that and its not usually a big deal. Next up was about an ounce of freshly ingested milk. All over me, the bed, him. Note to self Nathan, dont poop and eat at the same time or you will wear it on both ends!

I got pics working from home!

I went to the store Saturday evening and left the boys home alone. This is what I came home to. How stinkin' sweet is this?

Nathan rolled over again on Saturday and I had the camera ready. Here is the series from tummy time to WTH just happened?? This was his first time in a Happy Hieney. This is the only way my boy is going to have a butt. LOL

You can see the rest of his diapers in the background just waiting to be stuffed.

Im not quite sure what changed between these last 2 pics. Happy to crying in 2 seconds flat.

Now that I have had a mental victory over Kodak and their evil software, I will be posting more pictures with my updates.

getting it off my chest

This is a post for me to get a thought out of my brain and just "say" it out loud. I know it will seem silly. I feel badly even thinking about it but the thought is there so before I can let it go, I have to acknowledge it, right? So, here goes.

I am a little sad I didnt have a water birth. Dont get me wrong, I loved my birth experience. But, a part of me really wanted the water birth. I dont know why or what would be different but its something I think about. I loved laboring in the water and just wanted the whole experience of it. Deep down, I know it was best for me to have delivered in the bed since his shoulders were hard to deliver. We would have been under a little more pressure to get him out quickly in the water and moving to the bed with his head out would have been a crazy process. So, I know things went the way they were supposed to, but... Again, I know its silly. I have an amazing baby and 99% had the birth I wanted. Its not like I had to transfer for an emergency C or anything so I dont know why I even think about it. Bah. OK, off my chest.

On a side note, what a completely different week from one year ago. Today, I woke up to a gummy smile and eventually green poop from a happy baby. Beats the bleeding and negative pregnancy test from a year ago today. I dont know why I even thought about it. Just sort of dawned on me yesterday. Time heals all things. =)

back from pedi...

so he has been pooping non-stop since last night. Then this morning it turned from yellow and seedy to green and slimy. I called the new pedi and she got me right in. She doesnt think anything is wrong with him but Im glad we went all the same. Its been a couple hours since his last poo so hopefully its all out of his system.

I think we did the scale wrong yesterday because today on the digital scale at the pedi (we used the slider scale at the birth center) he was 10 pounds 7oz. I dont think he gained a pound overnight with all the pooping he did. 10 7 makes me feel a lot better about his weight gain and feeding. I know the 9.5 was fine but this makes me know for sure he's getting enough and growing strong.

He's napping now so mommy is off to find food herself!

He rolled over!

OK, So I know it wasn't the real roll over milestone but I cant believe he rolled over. I put him down for tummy time so I could email a couple friends. He usually is fine for about 5 minutes then he fusses. I turned my back and about 2 minutes later he was crying. I turn around and he is on his back. Im sure he surprised himself. I wish I could have seen it though. I know the next time wont be for a long while yet. =(

He hit his 6 week growth spurt this week too. That means feedings have been non-stop. Gone form one side for 10 minutes every 3 hours to 15+ minutes on one side and 10+ on the other every 1 1/2 hours. Still sleeping at night ok for 3 hours but the day time is rough. no more 2 hour naps this week. Growing is good though! I weighed him yesterday at my 6 week check up and he was 9 1/2 pounds. Just about a pound in the last month. Seems like thats ok. His next pedi visit is 10/7 so we'll weigh again then.

The best thing this week has been his smiles. He has been smiling at us hit or miss the last couple of weeks but this week has really been great. He is really reacting to us and the tone in our voices. I cant wait to hear his laugh. We are getting the coos now but a real laugh will be so wonderful to hear.

We also started his "big boy diapers" this week. He has been in the kissaluvs which are for the newborn period. They have been great. No leaks, no blowouts up the back, no diaper rash. I cant complain. His little legs have been too skinny for the bumGenius though. Well this week, I thought I would give it another chance and they fit. I have to really wrap it around his waist still but they didnt leak when he had a major poo. Good sign! I also had him in one over night and it didnt leak. I really stuffed it good but still. It made the night nursings so much easier. He barely woke up to nurse. I will start phasing all of his new dipes in so I can figure out which brand I like before he outgrows the kissaluvs.

Started walking this week too since the weather has been so nice. I sling him and out we go. I have 8 1/2 pounds to go so hopefully this will help some. I would love to be under my pre-pregnancy weight anyway so I need to exercise more regardless. Im glad he likes his sling.

Outings

As of this week, I have officially had enough of being in the house. We have nursing down and I have become much more efficient at using the Hooter Hider. So, there is no reason not to get some fresh air!

Monday was book club. 4 weeks from the last one and from when I went into labor. Only seemed fitting. It was great to see the girls and Nathan was mellow. Dont ask me what the book was =)

On Wednesday, we went to lunch with Theresa and Jessica then hung out while they worked on crafty stuff. Lord knows I do not need to help with putting labels on straight. Attention to crafty details is not my strong suit to say the least. He missed one of his naps but did great.
Jess took this while Theresa was holding him. Those eyes!

Yesterday, we had a long day out. Jeremy had a lunch time hair cut so we met him for lunch then went to the mall with him. I nursed at Cracker Barrel, at the hair place then later in Belk. Yay Hooter Hider haha Anyway, he did great while Jeremy go his hair cut and I pushed my luck and got mine cut too. He was a champ! Fell dead to the world as soon as the hair dryer turned on. Good to know! The hair dresser was so impressed with how good he was. He just watched the whole time. After that, we walked around more and found some frames for his newborn pics. He fell asleep after I nursed him and stayed asleep through moving from the stroller to the car, car ride home, shopping at Publix and then about 30 minutes after we got home. My boy can sleep!!

Today we are expecting his grandparents and great grandparents for the weekend. While it might be a little hectic, I am so glad he will get to know his extended family.

I have more pictures to share and if he takes another super nap, I can work on it from home. Stupid computer! Otherwise, I will run up to my office this week to upload and post.

Proof that babies learn in utero

We are always telling ChaCha to "Go Potty" when we take her off her cage and about every 15 minutes while we have her on us. Its easier to catch it on a napkin than find it on us later. Jeremy and I joked that Nathan's first words would be Go Potty since he will hear it all the time. Well, today I was holding Nathan and picked ChaCha up (trying to get her used to him) and told her to go potty. Right then, Nathan unloaded in his diaper. I couldnt help but laugh. I know it was total coincidence but that gummy little smile told me he knew he did something funny.

news from the last week..long

Since the 24th, Nathan has been nursing like a rock star. Just about every 2 hours with a 4 hour one thrown in for good measure. It wasnt all that, um, comfortable, in the beginning and I got a blood blister on my right nipple. If you have the chance to experience that, skip it. I toughed it out though and it got better. He is really getting better with his tongue so I thought it was just a learning curve.

Let me back up. When we first went to the LC (Lactation Consultant) at 6 days for him not latching, she thought he might have a minor posterior tongue tie. He wasnt able to put his tongue to the roof of his mouth or even stick it out to his lips. There was a possibility we would have to go to an ENT to talk about having it clipped if he kept showing interest but wasn't latching. I had started to pump at day 2 just to get him what colostrum I could and protect my milk supply once it came in. We had to use formula for 2 days until I could pump what he needed at each feeding. During that time, we used a syringe to feed him then moved to attaching a tube to it, feeding it next to a finger in his mouth and encouraging him to suck enough to pull the milk down. This was every 1 1/2 to 2 hours round the clock. Jeremy would feed and I would pump. Fast forward to now: he can stick his tongue out just fine and moved it where he should when prompted.

I had a really hard time with pumping and not being able to get the bonding time of feeding him. Hormones did not help the matter. It was very important to me to do everything I could to make it work as long as he was in good shape in the mean time. Using formula for even 2 days really upset me. I know it was necessary and I got over it but I will admit to being very down about it. But, the night after I had a pretty good breakdown, he figured it out. Pushing me to the edge already. =)

Back to the original train of thought...Then, Thursday, it happened again and I couldnt handle it. I called the LC at 9:30 at night b/c I couldnt handle the thought of nursing him on the right side and the left side was headed in that direction. She told me it was ok to just nurse from the left and pump the right and to use the Adiri bottle if we needed to just to make it through the night. We go in to see her the next day and she worked with the latch. Much better now! He is back up over his birth weight too which makes a momma so happy. He gained almost a pound in the 6 days since he started nursing! chunky thighs, he we come =)

If you are nursing, do not make the mistake of not asking for help. I learned this lesson from my friend Kristin and Im glad I listened. Its not something that just magically makes sense to most people so you have to work at it in the beginning. Doesn't mean it wont ever work!

What else.... he discovered this thumb and that it can be sucked. SO cute. I have a picture but cant upload it until I run up to my office. I hate my computer....

He's sleeping in about 3 hour blocks at night which is great. Those I can handle.
The cloth diapers are going great. He used to get really upset when he peed and stay upset until we changed him. As soon as we made the switch to cloth, he only fusses as he pees then settles right down. I started experimenting with the bigger dipes but I think they are still too big around the thighs.

Jeremy is great with him. From the start, he has changed diapers and was amazing when we had to do the finger feeder. Only once, at 2 day at 2am, did he ask if we couldnt just "fill him full of formula and get some sleep". I just took Nathan, figured out how to feed him myself, and he slept on my chest on the couch. I know it was just the lack of sleep talking and he has never been less than 100% supportive since.

I think that about catches us up. Now that Jeremy is back to work and I am figuring out how to make it work with Nathan alone, I think I can give more frequent updates.

Breakthrough!!!!

He nursed today!!!!!! wahooo. He nursed Friday at the Pedi's office then seemed to forget everything he knew. Then, today he nursed like a champ. I feel like I have dropped off the face of the earth but with pumping, feeding him with a syringe and tube, and trying to nurse its just been a lot. If he can keep the nursing up, I will be back in the game in no time!

Thanks for all the good thoughts while we have been struggling with this challenge.


As an aside, I have a great non-hormonal birth control method that I would be happy to share. What is this miracle product you might ask? My birth photos of course! Up close and personal with a minute by minute account of him emerging. Heather was not afraid of the zoom either =) There are some amazing pictures of right after the birth that I am so thankful for. I just wasnt ready to see myself in that condition. So, if you have a 15 yr old niece that you need to help understand the consequences of her actions, let me know and I can email the slide show. yowza is all I have to say! hahaha

Nathan's Birth Story

Monday the 11^th, his due date, I started to lose my mucus plug around lunch time. By dinner time, I had lost more. After coming home from book club, I started to have bloody show. Got a little excited but after 2 weeks of timable BH, I thought it was just another tease. Went to bed around 11 and woke up about 1:30 with 8 min. ctx. Same old, same old. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up at 2:15 and started writing the last of my thank you notes. I hopped online and started chatting with our doula, Heather, on gmail. Told her what was happening and she told me to go to bed. I did around 3. At 4, the ctx moved from 8 minutes to 5 minutes and were much more intense. Started hurting in my back too. I kept getting up to go to the bathroom since I felt like I had to go so badly.

At 6:30am, we called Heather to let her know we thought this was real. There was no reason for her to come at that point so we agreed to call the BC at 8 and page the on-call MW to give her a heads up. I labored in bed on my side in between feeling the need to sit on the toilet. Jeremy made me breakfast but I couldn’t sit down to eat it. So, I ate while on the toilet. It was the only comfortable seat. Heather kept calling to check in but we told her there was no need to come just yet.

Jeremy was a rock-star coach. He was right there with me and offered water every 3 ctx. He got out the child birth class book and read about different labor positions helping different feelings and had me moving around to try them. I wasn’t sure I could walk but he was right there to encourage me and help me. Walking circles in the living room and using him to lean on and hang off turned out to be great.

At 11:30, we called Heather to ask about the tub at home or other positions and to see if she would start making her way here. I told her the pain left my back but was super intense in my butt. She said she was just chatting about us with the MW and that why don’t we call here and meet them at the BC. WHAT?????? I didn’t think I was that far along. So, we called the MW and told her. She listened to a couple ctx and had us come in. We scrambled to pack the cooler and load the car. Its hard to do 2-3 minutes at a time. We made the first round of calls to family too.

I rode in the car kneeling in the back seat hugging the front passenger seat. We got to the BC around 12:30. I was checked and was 8-9 with a bulging bag. SO glad to hear that. I was afraid she was going to say 4 or something. I don’t even remember stripping my clothes and getting into the tub. It felt amazing. They poured water over my belly the whole time and it helped relax me so much. Around 1:30, MW checked me again and she felt like I was fully dilated. She broke my water and discovered I had a small lip left. After another little while, I could not get comfortable. That is a relative term in labor but I was flinging myself about in the tub just to try some other position. It was like I lost my mind or something. (the next day, my head hurt. Apparently I smacked it on the wall during a flinging fit) They had me get out of the tub and sit on the toilet backwards hugging a couple pillows. Felt good. I had them squeeze my hips and that was wonderful. Jeremy and Heather actually had to team up b/c I wanted so much pressure. I ended up starting to push on the toilet. After a few minutes, Heather asked what I was feeling and I told her it was burning (ring of fire in hind sight for me). She told the MW and into the bed I went. I was hoping for a water birth but I was not pushing well in the tub when we tried before.

I pushed for 48 minutes. I know I kept asking how much longer she thought it would be. I was so afraid it would be a couple hours. Pushing is hard work. Jeremy was right there in the bed with me and encouraging me with every push. There was no counting and I was able to hold my own legs. I don’t think I would have liked someone else to be pushing my legs back. At the very end, I actually didn’t even hold them but used Jeremy as leverage on one side and gripped the bed with the other. His head took a while to come out. Then Sharon had a hard time with his shoulders and thought they might be stuck. She had me push w/o ctx and that sucked. It was so hard to do. I remember asking her to just pull him out and DH said that is pretty much what it looked like she was doing. She ended up being able to get him out and I pulled him to my belly. There was a ridiculous gush of water with him. Soaked the bed. And when I say soaked, I mean soaked. I had so much water weight, it wasn’t even funny.

He was 8 pounds, 8 oz; 22 ¼” long; 13 ¾” head and 14 ¼” chest. I needed no stitches although I did tear in a couple places. I thought my urethra would be split in two, I will be honest.

Delivering the placenta was not so fun. I wasn’t feeling the heavy ctx anymore and all I wanted to do was look at my baby. Got it out though and then started bleeding. They had to give a shot of pitocin and “massage” my uterus. Um, that sucks. I was crying. It was worse than labor and pushing. I was screaming. I care not to think about it. I ended up trying to pass out a couple times so I had to chug Gatorade as to avoid a transfer for an IV.

We left at 10pm, 6 hours after he was born. It was a truly amazing experience and Im glad I got the birth I planned for. I do remember thinking though that now I get the appeal of epidurals. I have never judged someone that chooses one but have not really understood it either. Now I get it. Having the majority of the pain taken away and being able to hold a conversation during labor could certainly have its high points. As would sleeping! But, I never once thought I cant do this or I want the drugs. I am proud of myself but more for being a mother than how it happened. It was a personal choice and not a cause for medal as some would claim.

Funny stuff: Jeremy says labor noises from me sounded like I was talking to the whales in Nemo. It was so primal. I wasn’t even thinking. It just felt right. During pushing, I went high and once told to keep it low, I did and it made a difference.

While I was pushing, Heather had the flashlight on my thigh instead of on my vagina. Sharon thought it was funny to make shadow puppets on my thigh. I heard them laughing and Sharon say that I would think it was funny once I wasn’t pushing. Once they told me later, I was cracking up. You don’t get that in a hospital!

I will post more later. He is well. Nursing is challenging but we are keeping at it. I cant believe Jeremy and I created this perfect little person. He is just amazing.

opening a closed door

Why is the concept of knocking so hard? If a door is closed and you dont know 100% what is behind it, why wouldn't you knock? The mail man at my office does it to me all the time. UPS too. Now, I have a window right beside my door so you can clearly see if I am on the phone or in a meeting with a client. Who barges in?

My boss is on a call with a bank and a new sub just walked right into his office. No knocking, no pardon me, no nothing. Great way to make an impression you schmo. I had to go fish him out and into my office. While he was leaving, he did apologize for barging in. In typical Amy fashion, I explained that its probably best not to walk into either of our offices without knocking as the doors are generally shut for a reason. Then I explained that once I come back to work, I will be pumping and wouldn't want him to get an eye-full. (I will have blinds on my window by that point but I don't think it will stop anyone)

There is a therapist on my hall and I have overheard her clients do the same thing. Just barge right in on someone else's session. Clearly they know what is happening behind that door so why on earth would it make sense to just open it up 10 minutes before their session?

Has knocking gone the same direction as stopping at stop signs, using turn signals and letting people merge on the interstate?

39 weeks

Had my check up yesterday as usual. Everything is still a-ok. I gained some weight but its all water. the alfalfa pills are helping I think but I cant expect a miracle :-) All my stats were fine. I was measured at 40 weeks. Its a 3cm jump from last time but she felt like it was mostly water and not a giant baby. He's still in good position, just not ready to make an appearance yet. I decided not to ask to be checked. It really wouldnt tell me anything and would only frustrate me one way or the other. I have known girls to have had no progress who deliver that day and others who were well on their way for several weeks. Im glad the birth center does not check as a matter of practice. its something I have to ask for. Which, I know prevented me from having it done. I would have just gone with it just to satisfy my curiosity if she had said she was going to check. That would have gotten me nowhere though...

I stayed home from work to rest. It felt really good. I wish I could just be done working but giving up the paycheck is hard. So, Im back today to do what I can. If I need to go home early, so be it. Im very blessed with an understanding boss.

Dubs and I walked last night after supper. Ctx got to 4 minutes while we were walking. Got uncomfortable but never painful. I knew better than to get excited. Once I got home and sat down, they stopped. Shocking right?

Lastly, since my troll has decided to make a reappearance, I have disabled the anonymous commenting. I don't think that will hurt any one's feelings since my friends are big kids and post with their names. If you would really like to post about the fat ugly cow again, kindly do so with your name. TYVM!

brain dump

Its been a couple days and I need to just dump my brain. Ever get like that? Seems like every thing just backs up in there some times. This dump is in no particular order and may be long. Sorry.

~I am still having contractions but they are getting me no where. Last Thursday after my appt I came back to work and they stayed at 10 minutes for a long time. Then about 2pm they went to 7 minutes. That got my attention. I busted out so much work! I filed and entered items like, well, it was my job. My boss commented on how feverishly I was working. I thought that was my sick style of nesting and that he was coming that night. HA! Once I got home and the drama of the comments unfolded, everything stopped. Damnit.

Heather came over and we had a wonderful meeting. I really like her a lot and know she will be a great asset at the labor and birth. She's a smart lady! We had a great time just chatting. She answered some CD (cloth diaper) questions for me too.

Since then, the ctx have been fairly steady at 10 minutes. The more I relax, the more they come.
Double edged sword I guess. Trying to decide if I want to be checked at my appt this week since it looks like I will make it that far. Not like knowing Im dilating will tell me anything but I would love to know if there is anything going on. Chances are I will pass on the who-ha inspection but we'll see.

~Brett Favre. Seems like everyone is talking about him so why not me too? Let me first say that I am by no means the football guru. I pick fantasy players based on last names (I like the fun ones!). Granted, I have done well with this method but don't really know enough to "talk" football. That said, I have thoughts. I have lost so much respect for Favre. I have seen him as a great player and a great leader. But now, I feel like he has his head up his ass so far he can't see what he is doing. Have some pride man! Make a decision and go with it. You wanted to retire and you went out on top. Now you look like a fool. How stupid to play 1-2 yrs for a team other than the Packers??? You have taken the team's focus from where it should be and you should be ashamed. Jeremy hopes you break your leg in the first game back. I won't go that far b/c I know karma is a nasty bitch but Im awfully close to it.

~I cannot get into racing lately. The races are sucking and I can't get over it. Indy... we wont even go there. Even Montreal was bad. I get testing rain tires. But on a road course? What, 1/3 of the race was actually ran? Cautions and early checkers are not what fans wanted to see. BORING! I couldn't even get into Pocono. Not looking forward to a road course this weekend either. Michigan has potential but really, Im holding out hope that Bristol grabs my attention. I need a good fight or something. It will be one of Nathan's first races and is of course, my favorite track. Thunder Valley can't let me down!

~To update the breastfeeding fiasco: She told our MW about it who in turn posted her letter on BF message boards. It spread like wild fire and got back to the local news station. They interviewed my friend for a story for Breastfeeding Awareness Week. In the process, she learned of another woman who was harassed by the same man in the same park about a week before. She stood up to him and quoted law but he, get this, shut down the water portion for 30 minutes while she finished feeding her child!! She was no where near the water. Its not like he cleaned or sanitized the area or anything. Just made everyone get out to prove he could. What a jackass. The city's response was they were sorry for his actions and he must have misunderstood the rules. He will be educated on state law. I dont think thats good enough. I think he owes both women an apology and needs to have extensive training on customer service and breast feeding. Seriously, ignorance is one thing but to lecture women about the HIV transfer from BF is ludicrous. If you dont have the knowledge to do your job, ask for resources. Dont be an ass about it.

~Friends... I have been reflecting a lot lately on family. Family that we are born to and family that we choose. I am very fortunate to have some amazing friends that are in my chosen family. I may be an only child and Jeremy only has one brother but Nathan will not be short on aunts and uncles. I look back at Orlando and Augusta and realize I/we didnt have any real friends there. We had lots of acquaintances and friends from our pasts, but nothing more than that. I think thats why we were so unhappy. Over the past few days, we have been trying to spend as much time with friends as we can before Nathan comes. We know we wont be able to have this time back and want to savor it. We had a great meal with Nancy, Brian and Quinn this weekend. It was nice to just sit for a couple hours and chat. With some people, it feels like work to sit for that long but it never does with these guys. We are all who we are and it works.

Then last night, Jeremy and I took pizza over to Michelle and Bill's beach house and had the best time. We just sat around in comfy clothes and talked for hours. Courtney even gave my belly a hug and kiss goodnight. I melted. Love that kid. This is another couple that I am always comfortable around. We dont have to get all gussied up and never feel the need to be who we arent. Sure, I have known Michelle since college but it wasn't until we moved that I really got to know her and Bill. I am SO thankful to have them as our friends. They are just the kind of people who are there for you if you need a beer or if you actually need something.

Dont get me wrong, I couldn't do without my long distance friends too (Pam and Tracey!) but I am grateful for the ones I have here too. I like that I have friends who put me in my place when I need it but also lift me up when needed. I realized the other day that this coming school year, Pam and I will have been friends for longer than we weren't. 10th grade seems so long ago but then, it seems like just a couple years ago. Funny how time works isn't it?

Checkup went well. I really want Hope to be the MW on call when Nathan comes. I just feel like we click more than Sharon. Had a great chat with her this morning about when to call and what all happens during my stay. Told her I would pay for the big tub if there are 2 of us in labor =)

Still head down but not engaged. He's a little further down before but not all the way. had his hand by his head and pushed her away while she was feeling his head. We'll have to have a talk about moving that hand. Not so comfy for mommy to have him come out that way... All tests ok. Told her about the 10 minute apart BH and I had several while I was talking with her. She felt my belly and said its not BH. They are real ones! But, since they arent getting stronger or closer together, they may or may not mean anything. drats, foiled again! So they are "pre-labor" ctx. Whatever =)

We meet with Heather, the doula, tonight to discuss the impending activities. Set up the co-sleeper last night in our room. Not so sure how I am supposed to get out of bed with this thing right up next to me but we'll figure it out.

38 weeks and counting

Had the car seat checked this morning. Passed =) She said she could tell I had done my homework. Well duh silly lady!

Last night I had time-able BH Contractions for over an hour. Right at 10 minutes apart. What does that mean you ask? A whole lotta nada. My uterus is practicing. Great then. Until he engages, its not going anywhere. I went to bed and woke up with ctx quite a few times but since I cant see the clock I have no idea if they were regular. They weren't real ones so I wasn't going to grab my glasses and look. Started visualizations of him dropping into position. My mind wanders so much though. I'm not sure how effective it will be. Cant hurt right?

Had a little mini melt down this morning while I was doing my hair. OK, get your laughing out now about me doing my hair. This is actually a style I can handle. She cut it much shorter in the back and I can make it look like she did. Anyway, back to my melt down. While I was putting the paste in my hands and in my hair (yes, I even used product!) it hit me again that I cant feel texture. I cant feel the paste on my hands to tell if I have washed it off. You know that slick feeling when all the soap isn't off? I can't feel that right now. So then I started thinking about touching Nathan's face and all when he is born and how I won't be able to feel how soft he is. Ok, my pinky can feel him. So I sat down on my bathroom floor and had a pitiful little cry/pout. I know there isn't anything I can do about it but it doesn't make it suck any less. I should be able to feel my baby and that won't happen for who knows how long. I chalked it up to hormones but it still sucks.

37 weeks

These were taken Monday at 37 weeks. Had my check up today and nothing new to report. Still head down and not engaged. He flipped from being on my left side to being on my right though. That means nothing haha My tests are all normal. No protein in urine etc. I am up 5 pounds from last week though so I think I have to lay off the pizza! They noticed my feet for the first time this week too. Not bad enough to mean anything though. Group B Strep came back negative. wahoo, no IV for me!

I talked to Sharon about natural means of encouraging him to move along and she basically told me to suck it up. The carpal tunnel is "normal" and although I am numb all the time, it is not an indicator of permanent damage. Great. She just said that he will come when he is damn well ready and that if I am truly miserable, i have to consult with their back up OB for a pitocin induction in the hospital. Guess I just tough it out. I got a massage but it did not help. it wasn't even relaxing b/c she was working the muscles so deeply to get them to release.

Blood boiling

A connection at work sent me this letter about her experience last weekend. She had a home birth with the birth center and we have talked a bit about breastfeeding and whatnot. I am outraged at this. I have taken her name out for her privacy. She was far nicer than I would have been! I encouraged her to send copies to LLL (La Leche League) and Healthy Moms Healthy Babies here in Jax. I would be all up in the newspaper too. What an asshat!!!!

July 20, 2008

City of Jacksonville
Parks Department
220 E Bay Street
Jacksonville Florida 32202

Re: Harassed for breastfeeding at a city park

Dear Director:

I am a 31-year-old mother of three who lives, works and plays in Jacksonville, Florida. I have chosen to breastfeed each of my children as I believe that the health and emotional benefits far outweigh any perceived inconvenience. My youngest child, S, is 5 months old. Family economics required that I return to work when she was only 2 months old. Although it has been challenging to continue to breastfeed while working full-time, it has been well worth every effort. The wonderful people that I work with have been flexible and understanding of my needs to express milk during the workday and to take an extended lunch hour in order to nurse S midday. I have accepted these challenges with open arms, unlike the unexpected challenge that I encountered yesterday at a city park.

On Saturday, July 19th, I took my 3 children for an outing to the Kids Kampus at Metropolitan Park. They were very excited to play in the water area. We arrived early in order to avoid most of the crowds. I had decided that my 2 older children would play in the water while myself and S watched them from the benches in the roped off area that was labeled “adult section.” This “adult section” of the water playground is separated from the water portion and provides a cool, dry place to sit and supervise.

Initially, S was sitting in her stroller, content to watch the children play. Eventually, she became restless and hungry. I discreetly nursed her. I am a modest person and can say with confidence that no-one saw any portion of my breast during this process. I covered myself very thoroughly with a towel. While nursing, I was approached by a young man who told me that S must remain in the stroller at all times unless she was wearing a “Little Swimmer” diaper. At this point, I was not willing to force S to quit nursing until she was finished or to leave my other 2 children unattended in order to nurse her elsewhere. Unwilling to argue with the young man, and knowing that S would soon be finished, I simply acknowledged the young man’s request and told him that we would not be getting in the water at all. As stated, S and I were not in contact with the water at all. Both of us were thoroughly dressed, not in swimwear, and sitting on a bench in the roped-off sitting section. It would be ridiculous for me to go to the expense of purchasing “Huggies Little Swimmers” diapers in order that I might hold my infant while sitting on a bench at the park. I find it somewhat amusing that the park employees seem to think that by requiring infants to wear the Huggies Little Swimmers brand of diapers they are somehow guaranteeing that no urine or feces will escape into the water.

S finished nursing within minutes of the young man approaching me, so I put her in her stroller as I had been asked. Although I adamantly disliked and disagreed with the rule, I didn’t feel at that point that it was worth conflicting over. I was then approached by another park employee, who I assumed was a manager, by the name of Tom Wright. Mr. Wright began to inform me that I could not breast-feed my daughter at this park due to the hazardous nature of breast milk as a bodily fluid. He informed me that I could be potentially exposing other children to disease while nursing my child. (As a reminder, I was not in the water or in contact with the water. I was sitting on a bench, covered with a towel while nursing, and not within 10 feet of anyone else.) I felt very humiliated as Mr. Wright also sought to educate me on the high rate of HIV transfer from a mother to an infant. I was speechless. Obviously, I cannot pass a disease onto other people who are around me by breastfeeding my infant. If this was the case, I suppose that breastfeeding mothers should be banned from all public areas at all times, whether in the process of nursing or not, due to the possibility of this hazardous substance leaking onto our shirts or some other ridiculous nonsense. How can Mr. Wright guarantee that a child who is drinking a bottle is not also drinking expressed breast milk in that bottle? In regards to Mr. Wright’s lecture regarding HIV transfer, I am not HIV positive and certainly would not be breastfeeding if I was. His information regarding HIV presence in breast-milk was irrelevant to the situation and something he had no business discussing with me.

There were several infants in the water, wearing “Little Swimmers” and playing with their parents. I doubt Mr. Wright has the time or ability to micromanage the possibility of one of these infants spitting up in the water or urinating. As a parent, I am aware of the fact that other children are in the water with my child and may be doing any number of things and yet I still choose to allow my children to play in the water. There is an inherit risk in all activities. The fact that I was breastfeeding on a bench posed no threat at all.

If this would have been the end of the matter, I probably would not be writing this letter. Mr. Wright was apparently not satisfied that I understood the severity of the situation. Later that morning, while my children and I were at the bike riding portion of the park, I was once again approached by Mr. Wright. I was not breastfeeding at the time. He brought to me an internet print-out regarding the high rate of HIV transfer between mothers and infants. He attempted to engage in a discussion regarding the hazardous nature of breast-milk and strongly urged me to read the article. I stopped him in mid-sentence and stated that I did not wish to discuss it with him and I also let him know that he had thoroughly embarrassed me. I do not understand what point he was trying to make. As stated, I do not have HIV. Even if I did, it still would be none of his business. I was highly annoyed that he had sought me out in a different area of the park in order to further harass me.

In conclusion, I felt harassed and embarrassed by Mr. Wright. He was overstepping his duties as a park employee in his attempts to educate me on a subject on which I am already thoroughly educated. As a tax paying citizen, I have the right to enjoy the parks our city has to offer. The city should take steps to ensure that their employees are properly informed regarding breastfeeding and the Florida law. The Florida law protects my right as a mother to breastfeed my infant anywhere. Increasing breastfeeding rates is an international, national and state health priority and should not be hindered by city employees like Mr. Wright who seek to discourage it.
CC: Councilman Daniel Davis
117 West Duval St., Suite 425
Jacksonville, FL 32202

Anyway, If this pisses you off as much as it does me, please post a comment so she knows she has some support. I am floored at the whole thing and hope she gets a response from the city.